Kindness or efficiency in negotiations?

Currently, the "protocol" of human contact in society is increasingly being forgotten. We used to call it good manners. Today it is increasingly replaced by superficial kindness. But what about business communication? What do we expect of ourselves or our negotiating partners in terms of good manners, courtesy and efficiency?

Well let's see:

First, kind, open, honest communication is needed to build trust. Once this is in place, then and only then will your client be willing to engage in a serious conversation with you.

Good manners are essential throughout a business meeting. However, I often see that without good manners, you end up with bland, vague and unspecific wording. These do more harm than good. After all, we want to be nice and say that what our negotiating partner is asking is not possible.

In practice, it looks something like this:

"Yes, well, actually it could be a logical request from you and we could look into the possibility of how we could provide that for you, so I'll talk to my colleagues and see if we can find a way to get that additional 15% discount…"

Familiar, have you ever heard anything similar? This is the nice version. Everyone can take it for what it is. Therefore, at the end of the negotiation, one party will remember that yes, they will get the rebate, and the other party will remember that, after all, I said that we still have to look into the possibility. I see dozens of examples like this every day.

Let's look at the same thing in good manners:

"I fully understand that you would like a more favorable offer, I am not able to serve you at this time."

Effective negotiation communication in this context would be:

"Look, if you order three times as much and pay in advance, I can get you an extra 15% somehow" - If that's really possible, of course :)

Perhaps these 3 examples may stir thoughts and emotions in some people. For it is now written down or said in this way, with special emphasis, the difference between the 3 things is obvious. However, I am sure that every day you also experience the phenomenon we call miscommunication. It is never due to inefficiency or good manners, it is due to excessive niceness. There and then, when we don't want to, we hurt the other person, when we just want to be gentle.

Recently, I sat with a dear client in a meeting that was of great importance to both parties. We started with good manners and then moved towards increasingly exaggerated niceness. Afterwards I asked, "Why? The answer was: 'Because we were afraid that the other party would consider it rude to put our expectations and opinions forward in a firm manner.' Of course, at this point I took the negotiation over and, while maintaining good manners, switched to effective communication and within minutes we were in a happy, good-humoured, lively negotiation on both sides.

What determines what kind of communication we should have during a negotiation? Interest!

Interest is present on both sides and we must respect the interests of our negotiating partner. But to do this, we need to know what it is, and this is only possible through effective communication.

Effective communication saves both time and money. I can help you practice it! Come for a training or feel free to contact me and you will really feel the difference!